In the last couple of days, this mother/ wife is having a lot of mixed emotions. I normally try to keep these things to myself but I feel that I need to let them out and see if it might help my emotional state. To begin, I have been looking for part time jobs. We are not in any money crisis but Matthew and I noticed that his paycheck is just making enough to pay the bills and survive. We want to be able to be saving some on the side for a house, or another child, or a dog...anyway, you get the idea. We would like to be making a little more to make ends meet and save. So I decided to see what part time jobs were available. Lo and behold I found a couple of janitor positions in the area that had good hours so I applied to see what would happen.
One of the jobs I applied for was a part time janitor position working for a company called On Point CS. It is only Monday-Friday from 5 to 8 pm. I applied and then a couple days later after submitting my resume, I had an interview. The interview was very simple. We had a tour of the office building we will be cleaning and in the end the manager said all we would mainly do is mop, vacuum, clean a few bathrooms and dust. Doesn't sound hard at all. I came home excited to get a chance to a great, what sounds like easy job.
On Monday I got an email from the manager asking me to start work on Wednesday. I, of course, replied back saying I will be there for work. So I am going to start working. I am so excited. This is were different emotions are playing with me though. Even though, I am excited I am also stressing out of my mind. One problem is I have the calling as a Wolf Den Leader and every Tuesday we have den meeting from 4-5pm and every first Tuesday of the month is pack night which is usually at 7pm. I told the manager that on Tuesday that I did have the dilemma of cub scouts when I don' finish until 5 pm and he was fine with me coming in later on Tuesdays. I am feeling so guilty that I am going to have to bail on pack nights though and any extra events and meetings that could pop up.
I am also feeling a little sad because since I am starting on Wednesday and they want me to work Thursday and Friday I am going to miss trick or treating with my kids. We have been so excited for Halloween, I really, really want to be there when they go trick or treating. I told the kids already that Mommy will be missing trick or treat. Thank goodness Pappi and Grammy said they would come over on Halloween and would help take them trick or treating with Daddy. I told the kids I would be back though for our Halloween party and for breaking the pinata.
Another thought and feeling, I've been having since getting the job is fear of the future. I was sitting around last night thinking of the new job and realized that there might be evenings that Matthew will have to stay late at school for conferences or other events which will be a problem because one I will have to find a babysitter for the kids for a few hours in the evening. That might be hard. Plus we only have one vehicle and I don't know how I will get to work the evenings he doesn't make it back from work. This sound all bleak.
Like I said, I am also very excited to have a job where we will be getting a little (not much but a little) extra income. I am also selfish and am excited to have a job that gives me a few hours to get out of the house for a little while. I love my kids and husband more than anything on this Earth but it will feel good to have a break and (as crazy as this sounds) I love to clean. It's my stress reliever and it will be nice to have that relief.
I know that everyone goes through these feelings when their life style is about to change a little. And I keep telling myself to just take one day at a time and it will all work out. Like I said, I just thought it might feel good to let all these thoughts and feeling out to relieve a little anxiety and stress. We will see how this new part of life goes. Time will tell.
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